So last Fri night, I had my birthday party. I wore a tiara, a friend gave me a button that flashed lips and said "kiss me, it's my birthday" and I subequently got kissed. I drank. I danced. I drank a LOT, and I went home puking. I barely remember ever dancing, and I find that so sad and disappointing.
My friend and former roommate, who would listen to all my ramblings about this, would commiserate and tell me to get over myself, currently has a non-functioning phone, so I can't even consult her either.
Although I am trying to be my new, positive self, completely open to the possibilities of the future, and letting go of the things in the past I don't like, I wish things had turned out differently that night. I wish I had danced all night, requested songs, and only gotten tipsy. I wish I remembered dancing with boys, and making out with them. I wish I had stayed there for my friends who had graciously come out with me, and not made out with people I don't even remember. It's so embarassing and scary to realize you did things that you don't even remember.
Apparently a friend-of-a-friend who came was very scared of me, and I can't really blame him! I was doing all these crazy things that I don't remember, and probably was a total freak. All my girlfriends tell me it was my birthday and that I had every right to do whatever I wanted, but it still scares the crap out of me that I had no idea what was going on.
I keep telling myself that there are always other parties where I can be the star, there's always my bday party next year, and there will always be more parties where fun can be had, but I just wish things had gone down differently.
Lesson learned, friendships retained (thank GOD), and hopefully minimal humiliation occurred. Onto the next! Halloween...where everything happens at night...
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